The Lonely Christmas Crisis

We know our elderly population are vulnerable and yet Age UK found that one million older people still feel lonelier in the cold, festive season. It’s our duty to end this. Florrie Andrew investigates how we can help.

Candles are lit on the side table. A wreath hangs on the door. In the corner of the living room, a small Christmas tree is set up, and there is a hazy reflection of fairy lights twinkling in the steamed-up windows.  A mince pie warms in the oven, ready to tuck into when the Queen’s Speech broadcasts at 3.  It’s a typical Christmas scene; yet, it is missing one key feature.

Someone to share it with.

Research carried out by Contact the Elderly found that almost half a million older people face spending Christmas Day alone this year. Christmas is usually associated with sharing special moments with loved ones but, for those who are widowed, live far away from family or simply don’t have someone close to them to share it with, the festive season may serve as a reminder of what they have lost.

The Silver Line helpline received 15,000 calls during the nine days following Christmas Eve in 2016, as the elderly sought help and comfort. Set up in 2012 to combat loneliness, the line annually sees a rise in demand during the festive season. The free service takes confidential calls from those looking for company, like 78-year-old Michael Pollard.

Michael has lived alone since his father died in 1992. His only remaining family are his niece and nephews, and cataracts and limited mobility mean Michael cannot travel far. A long-term problem with hoarding has hindered Michael’s ability to develop and maintain relationships, with the 200 radios filling the rooms of his Surrey house dispelling the option of simply inviting those he was in touch with around for a cup of tea.

Over time, Michael shut those around him out; yet, he knows that, on Christmas Day, he will see others and relieve himself of some of the difficulties he faces every day.

“Every year, my nephew picks me up at 11am and drives me to his house for Christmas lunch.” Michael says. “Usually eight people sit around the table and pull crackers and eat Christmas dinner.”

“Classical music always plays in the background to our dinner, and I like the food. My niece listens to my problems,” he adds.

Michael fortunately has some relatives remaining. For many, however, there is no one left so organised festive events are relied upon to fill the emptiness caused by the loss of loved ones.

Caroline Billington founded Community Christmas in 2011 after witnessing the significant impact Christmas Day volunteers have on people who are alone. The charity promotes local events and activities that provide old people with the option of company in the festive season, with the aim of ensuring that no one is forced to spend it alone.

“Many people will reach out for support and companionship on Christmas Day in a way that they might not on other days,” Caroline explains. “We hope to use Christmas Day as a trigger for change, a chance for people to create connections and start conversations within their community that will last for the longer term.”

Among the events featured in the Community Christmas directory are those held by businesses and organisations for people who are looking for company on Christmas Day.

The Alexandra in Wimbledon is one of the venues promoted through the charity.

Each year, the south London pub offers free Christmas dinner to those who are alone on 25 December. On Christmas Day last year, 62 people enjoyed a three-course meal at the Alexandra entirely funded by donations from customers and local suppliers.

“We do bits and bobs throughout the year to try and help combat loneliness, but there's no time of year when the emotion is more acutely felt than Christmas Day,” pub landlord Mick Dore says.

“The smiles it puts on people’s faces makes it doubly worthwhile.”

Hannah Saunders, who runs a weekly lunch club for the elderly at St Timothy’s Church in Sheffield, organises an annual Christmas meal to ensure that members have at least one festive event to go to.

“We decorate the tables and have carol singing,” Hannah details. “In the last few years, the church organist came. It’s a special meal.”

For some of the regular members at the lunch club, the weekly event is their only outing.

“The elderly is the group who are really vulnerable and quite invisible in a society because they can't physically do independent things,” Hannah continues. “We should look after them. They are the most needy.”

Lunch club member David, 69, has been attending the lunch club regularly since he was referred by a health worker in December 2016.

David sees the benefit of attending every week. “You get to know most people,” he comments. “It’s a very friendly and warm place.”

As a country, we are getting older. Figures from the Office for National Statistics show that almost a quarter of the population is expected to be aged 65 and over within the next 30 years.

Therefore, loneliness in the elderly is an issue that is likely to grow.

In October 2018, Prime Minister Theresa May launched the first Government strategy to combat loneliness. This involves educating young people on the importance of social relationships through the National Curriculum and increasing the number of community spaces available.

As part of the strategy, General Practitioners in England will be able to refer patients experiencing loneliness to voluntary services and community groups by 2023, with activities such as walking groups, cookery classes and art clubs to be offered through the NHS. These actions aim to improve general wellbeing with the ultimate target of preventing long-term impacts of loneliness, such as depression and, in some cases, suicide.

2,318 people in the UK aged 50 and over killed themselves in 2017, statistics collated by the suicide prevention charity Samaritans show. The charity reports that, at Christmas, one-third of callers feel lonely and isolated, with individuals overwhelmed by societal pressures to visit family and make plans for the day.

The work of Samaritans volunteers during Christmas is vital for those who find the season troubling.

Helping others has proven to benefit your own mental wellbeing. A report published by the Mental Health Foundation found that 80% of people felt that being kind had positively impacted their health. Meeting new people, exchanging knowledge and stories or learning a new skill are some of the reasons for this. Christmas is a time for generosity and sharing, and there are plenty of roles that need filling during the festive season, from giving the elderly lifts to Christmas Day lunches to serving meals in a Christmas jumper. Giving your time at Christmas will reward you just as much as it will benefit those you help.

Remember: it doesn’t matter how much time you can spare or how far you can travel to support those who may feel lonely at Christmas. That lady you exchange smiles with when you go to buy the Sunday paper or that neighbour who you haven’t seen out for a while. Send a card; invite them for tea and a mince pie.

It’s Christmas – reach out to those around you and make a difference that could last the year.